CHAPTER ONE

BLUE STREAKS?


I always thought that if Sister Mary Claire, my meanest teacher ever, weren’t married to Jesus, she would have cussed me out every day at school. Good thing I only have a little while left before I have to deal with her again!

She doesn’t like me that much, for some reason. The truth is, she doesn’t seem to like any of the boys in my class. She is always ignoring us when we raise our hands to answer questions and almost always favors the girls: “BOYS, SIT STILL! BOYS, BE QUIET! BOYS, BE NICE!” Just once I’d like to hear her call the girls down.
I bet she is a secret cusser when she isn’t around kids, just like Old Man Stoltz, who lives down the street. He doesn’t like any of us kids in the neighborhood.
Old Man Stoltz is this funny old guy with a back bent like a comma. He has nasty gray hairs growing out of his ears and nose, and these funny, huge black glasses that cover half of his face. It’s just too bad they don’t cover his mouth. He spits when he talks, so you have to stand there with these tiny globs of Old-Man-Stoltz spit on your face because you don’t want to embarrass him by wiping it away.
He’s always mad at any kid who goes near his house, and especially if someone goes on his lawn, even if it is just to chase a ball that someone kicked too hard on accident. He’s always cussing up a blue streak at us “troublemakers.” “You BLANK kids stay the BLANKETY-BLANK off of my BLANKING lawn or I will call every one of your BLANKETY-BLANKING moms and pull your BLANKETY-BLANK ears off of every one of your stupid BLANKETY-BLANK heads!”

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